Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Move On!

I love reading books/novels and every-time I encountered the sentence "The 7 Stages of Grief" Its always puzzling to me because some author make as a joke, sarcastic remarks or even an expression, at those time I really dont pay attention to it  but when I always encountered it even in TV I tried searching it and read it, its  quite fascinating.

Sometimes I ask myself does some people really experience that stage and do they finished it until to the last? I even watched a Filipino series in our TV called MMK in ABS-CBN channel (Its a reality show) where she experience those stage (for her ex boyfriend) and its amazing! Her expression and attitude really fits the "The 7 Stages of Grief" its quite funny! And wondering could that happen to me also??.. ahahahah

And I can't even believe its really happening to me right now and I dont know what to feel.

"The 7 Stages of Grief"

You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. 

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. 

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

You have made it through the 7 stages of grief.

The story

I can relate my life now on "The 7 Stages of Grief" it may not be the same meaning, and  I think the stage apply more on your beloved one, like I said mine is not for a beloved but for my friends whose not with me right now, and before I talked to them again after 3 months? 

"The 7 Stages of Grief" happened, where SHOCK & DENIAL that my best-friend doesn't like me anymore PAIN & GUILT where I can't see her anymore, cant chit-chat on little things for another semester of the school year, ANGER & BARGAINING where I blamed that specific 2 girls why we got separated and to my best-friend where she let this happening happened, "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS where I'm really depressed that I want to see her everyday but I can't and I should have just talk to her heart to heart before I decide on things "alone" THE UPWARD TURN where I wont let little things bring me down and be brave even I'm alone right now RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH "seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one" by studying hard and not being a worry-wart so I can pass this semester and lastly the ACCEPTANCE & HOPE I fully accept my current life (for now) without my best-friend and I'm hoping and planning to be with her next semester and I wound't let anyone get in my way whatever happened!

Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. -Will Smith

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha

There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.- Unknown